“It’s just not possible,” she said, shaking her head. “God would never permit one of His creation to take over the being of another.”
The words she uttered floated into my ears with ease, but dropped on my heart with a thud. Her gaze was sure and determined; her jet black eyes were unblinking; her hands flat on the table of the coffee shop we sat in.
I looked for doubt in her tone; looked for weakness in her posture; looked for a twitch of her knotted eyebrows – anything that I could use as leverage to sway her to what I was trying to reach out to her. There was none, and Sheila’s frown melted, her full lips curled slightly into a tired smile and she gently placed one hand above my knot of intertwined fists.
My head lowered and my eyes swept over her hands, but my heart still vibrated from the words that had dropped on it.
How could I tell her of how my dreams had been grasped in fiery claws and shredded into uncountable pieces? All hopes of being normal smashed against the serrated rocks it had placed in my mind. How could I tell her about how my hands shook, how the tiny hairs on the back on my neck became erect and how my pores secreted sticky sweat as it reverberated within me at full force?
What would she know of my struggles; the way I prepared myself to face people; the way I averted gazes incase they knew from my eyes; the way I stammered, coughed, and stammered some more when emotions overtook my core.
I am a warrior with a weapon that I’m afraid to wield, for when I attack it only attacks me with greater force. Yet, there she was, cocooned in her naivety, beauty, and reasoned reasons that all that existed within me was an impossibility. There is no denying that it is what is within me – what my heart tries to whisper to hers – that is stopping me from revealing who I am.
She holds firm to what she knows and who she knows, yet what she doesn’t know is that I am Asad – the cloaked lion who fights against its tamer.
© The Londoner, August 2011.
Inspired by recent discussions with someone dear to me. We think we know, we think we’re sure, but in reality we’re not. ~ T.L.